Today started out special and with some uneasiness. Yes once and a while in our lives, erhm in my experience of life, a big PAN needs to hit my face in order for it to recognized the benefits of the decisions I have made.
Said in english. 6 months and 3 days. ago I / We “Linda and Brian” decided to close the box with weed and cigarettes for a minimum of 6 months. Well now that time has passed without any alcohol or smoking at all! Has it been easy? YES! Had I ever finally decided I would not ever smoke again. NO! An open mind stays open without any attachment nor judgement. So decided to have a go and see what actually is the feeling of smoking a cigarette consciously chosen and with the capacity to be present in the moment feeling the body. Here goes:
OMG, it tastes dry, the blood-vessels in the body narrows down immediately. I experienced the heart beating louder and faster. Afterwards the experience of the now moment actually got diminished. Thoughts screamed louder and the ability to simply discern and let go of the mind decreased. It required a sudden enormous effort to keep attention here and now. Thoughts drifted and attention with them. The walking was with an unease and certainty goes with it. A lot of questioning rose and not at all of the present moment but about anything. With this wanting to know feeling. Then I observed the mind and body suddenly functioning without my normal conscious and sharp mind. Couch and eating was the next thing. Well this going through old addictions with a conscious choice of experience it, simply put; It gives nothing. Happiness and peace went out as more cigarette smoke and weed went in. From just 1 cigarette and maybe 0.05g of skunk simple things became an effort to accomplish. Energy levels drops an as an energetic being, this is felt like, weakness. What really happens is my dis ability to discern the thoughts and relevance. Cause nothing feels right. It just buzzes in the whole being.
WAUW! How glad and grateful I am for the choices I have made the last 6 months. Purpose of being, peace and happiness as the foundation of it all. Wanting truth and Freedom is really goals that gives one the capacity to live here and now. I can recognize one major difference in attitude to life after this smoking today! Usually judgment from ego would beat me as a failure, now a loser! But this is so far from the truth as anything. Yes the voice is there, haha, funny, loud as always in its crazy thought systems. Now I simply look at my actions and see, do they add up towards the goals which I live for? With an open mind, accepting my choice today as a mistake simple seeing; it did not work! Mistakes are simply misunderstandings which in order to See and experience Truth, therefore needs correction. Be open for learning and be a happy learner. Here the spirit will come with its guide, if you listen to it!
I am what I am – nothing there has changed! Biiip,beeeep, checking nope, still I am awareness. Honesty, peace and happiness are values which I embrace now with grace. In order to experience and achieve these goals, absolute vigilance is asked for. Simply put:
JUST DO YOUR BEST! – God, The Universe will do the rest.
I am here now, I am ready for the receiving and giving from the being which I am. Fear is nothing that can remain here, its face of death only looks upon the body which surely is not where I rest! I am where our creator, God has put me, safe and sound, in peace and happiness.
Diet and exercises for you today is here: Body Diary
Thank you for now –